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The Pause of Mr. Claus
Arlo Guthrie

words and music by Arlo Guthrie

This next song we're going to dedicate to a great American
organization. Tonight I'd like to dedicate this to our boys
in the FBI.

Well, wait a minute. It's hard to be an FBI man. I mean, first
of all, being an FBI man, you have to be over 40 years old.
And the reason is that it takes at least 25 years with the
organization to be that much of a bastard. It's true. You just
can't join, you know. It needs an atmosphere where your
natural bastardness can grow and develop and take a
meaningful shape in today's complex society.

But that's not why I want to dedicate the song to the FBI. I
mean, the job that they have to do is a drag. I mean, they have
to follow people around, you know. That's part of their job.
Follow me around.

I'm out on the highway and I'm drivin' down the road and I
run out of gasoline. I pull over to the side of the road. They
gotta pull over too - make believe that they ran out, you
know.

I go to get some gasoline. They have to figure out whether
they should stick with the car or follow me. Suppose I don't
come back and they're stayin' with the car.

Or if I fly on the airplanes, I could fly half fare because I'm 12
to 22. And they gotta pay the full fare. But the thing is that
when you pay the full fare, you have to get on the airplane
first, so that they know how many seats are left over for the
half fare kids. Right? And sometimes there aren't any seats
left over, and sometimes there are, but that doesn't mean that
you have to go.

Suppose that he gets on and fills up the last seat, so you can't
get on. Then he gets off then you can get on. What's he gonna
do?

Well, it's a drag for him. But that's not why I want to dedicate
the song to the FBI.

During these hard days and hard weeks, everybody always
has it bad once in a while. You know, you have a bad time of
it, and you always have a friend who says Hey man, you
ain't got it that bad. Look at that guy. And you at that
guy, and he's got it worse than you. And it makes you feel
better that there's somebody that's got it worse than you.

But think of the last guy. For one minute, think of the last
guy. Nobody's got it worse than that guy. Nobody in the
whole world. That guy...he's so alone in the world that he
doesn't even have a street to lay in for a truck to run him over.
He's out there with nothin'. Nothin's happenin' for that cat.

And all that he has to do to create a little excitement in his
own life is to bum a dime from somewhere, call up the FBI.
Say FBl?, they say Yes, say I think Uncle Ho and Chair-
man Mao and their friends are comin' over for dinner (click)
Hang up the phone.

And within two minutes, and not two minutes from when he
hangs up the phone, but two minutes from when he first put
the dime in, they got 30,000 feet of tape rollin'; files on tape;
pictures, movies, dramas, actions on tape. But then they send
out a half a million people all over the entire world, the globe,
they find out all they can about this guy.

'Cause there's a number of questions involved in the guy. I
mean, if he was the last guy in the world, how'd he get a dime
to call the FBI? There are plenty of people that aren't the last
guys that can't get dimes. He comes along and he gets a dime.

I mean, if he had to bum a dime to call the FBI, how was he
gonna serve dinner for all of those people? How could the
last guy make dinner for all those people. And if he could
make dinner, and was gonna make dinner, then why did he
call the FBI?

They find out all of those questions within two minutes. And
that's a great thing about America. I mean, this is the only
country in the world...l mean, well, it's not the only country
in the world that could find stuff out in two minutes, but it's
the only country in the world that would take two minutes
for that guy.

Other countries would say Hey, he's the last guy...screw
him, you know? But in America, there is no discrimination,
and there is no hypocrisy,'cause they'll get anybody. And that's
a wonderful thing about America.

And that's why tonight I'd like to dedicate it to every FBI
man in the audience. I know you can't say nothin', you know,
you can't get up and say Hi! cause then everybody knows
that you're an FBI man and that's a drag for you and your
friends.

They're not really your friends, are they? I mean, so you can't
get up and say nothin' 'cause other wise, you gotta get sent
back to the factory and that's a drag for you and it's an
expense for the government, and that's a drag for you.

We're gonna sing you this Christmas carol. It's for all you
bastards out there in the audience tonight. It's called The
Pause of Mr. Claus.

Why do you sit there so strange?
Is it because you are beautiful?
You must think you are deranged
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?

You must think Santa Clause weird
He has long hair and a beard
Giving his presents for free
Why do police guys mess with peace guys?

Let's get Santa Clause 'cause;
Santa Clause has a red suit
He's a communist
And a beard, and long hair
Must be a pacifist
What's in the pipe that he's smoking?

Mister Clause sneaks in your home at night.
He must be a dope fiend, to put you up tight
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?


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Lyrics by Arlo Guthrie

  1913 Massacre   A Little A This N That   Alice's Restaurant   Alice's Restaurant Massacre   Alice's Restaurant Massacree   Alice's Rock & Roll Restaurant   Alice's Restaurant   Alice's Rock & Roll Restaurant   All Over the World   All This Stuff Takes Time   Anytime   Bling Blang   Buffalo Gals   Buffalo Skinners   Carry Me Over   Children Of Abraham   Chilling of the Evening   City of New Orleans   Coming Into Los Angeles   Connection   Cooper's Lament   Cooper's Lament   Cowboy Song   Darkest Hour   Days Are Short   De Colores   Dead Or Alive   Deportees   Deportees (Plane Wreck at Los Gatos)   Doors of Heaven   Drowning Man   Eli   Epilogue   Evangelina   Every Hand In The Land   Face Of Time   Fence Post Blues   Gabriel's Mother's Highway Ballad #16   Gabriel's Mother's Hiway Ballad #16 Blues   Gabriel's Mother's Highway Ballad #16   Garden Song   Gates of Eden   Give It All You Got   Grocery Blues   Guabi, Guabi   Gypsy Davey   Hard Times   Here We Are/Way Out In The Country   Here We Are\/Way Out In The Country   Highway In the Wind   Hobo's Lullaby   Hobo's Lullaby   I Could Be Singing   I Ride an Old Paint   I Ride On Old Pain   I Want To Be Around   I'll Be With You Tonight   I'm Changing My Name To Chrysler   I'm Going Home   I've Just Seen a Face   I'll Be With You Tonight   I'm Changing My Name To Chrysler   I'm Going Home   I've Just Seen A Face   If I Could Only Touch Your Life   If You Would Just Drop By   Introduction   Jacob's Ladder   Jacob's Ladder   Jamaica Farewell   John Looked Down   Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream   Last To Leave   Last Train   Lay Down Little Doggies   Lightning Bar Blues   Little Beggar Man   Little Beggarman   Living In the Country   Living Like a Legend   Lord Grenville   Lovesick Blues   Major Blues   Manzanillo Bay   Massachusetts   Me and My Goose   Meditation (Wave Upon Wave)   Miss the Mississippi and You   Moon Song   Mother The Queen Of My Heart   Motorcycle Song   My Creole Belle   My Front Pages   My Love   Mystic Journey   Nostalgia Rag   Now and Then   Ocean Crossing   Oh Mom   Oh, In The Morning   Oklahoma Hills   Oklahoma Nights   One Night   Patriot's Dream   Patriot's Dream   Percy's Song   Percy's Song   Power Of Love   Presidential Rag   Prologue   Ramblin' Round   Ramblin' Round   Red River Valley   Ridin' Down the Canyon   Ridin' Down The Canyon   Ring Around-A-Rosy Rag   Ring-Around-A-Rosy Rag   Ring-Around-A-Rosy-Rag   Running Down The Road   Russian Girls   Sailing Down This Golden River   Satellite   Shackels And Chains   Shackles and Chains   Slow Boat   Solo Le Pido A Dios   Somebody Turned On the Light   Someday   Stairs   Standing at the Threshold   Stealin'   Story of Reuben Clamzo & His Strange...   Story of Reuben Clamzo & His Strange...   Streets of Laredo   Telephone   Tennessee Stud   The City of New Orleans   The Gal I Left Behind   The Motorcycle Song   The Motorcycle Song (in album Arlo)   The Motorcycle Song (The Significance Of The Pickl...   The Motorcyle Song   The Ross Perot Guide To Answering Embarassing Ques...   The Sinking of the Reuben James   This Land Is Your Land   This Troubled Mind of Mine   Try Me One More Time   Ukulele Lady   Uncle Jeff   Under Cover of Night   Underground   Unemployment Line   Union Maid   Utah Carroll   Valley To Pray   Victor Jara   Wabash Cannonball   Waimanalo Blues   Wake Up Dead   Walking Song   Wedding Song   Wheel of Fortune   When a Soldier Makes It Home   When I Get To The Border   When The Cactus Is In Bloom   When The Ship Comes In   Where Have All The Flowers Gone   Which Side   Won't Be Long   Won't Be Long   Woody's Rag/hard Work   Woody's Rag\/Hard Work   Woody's Rag/hard Work   World Away From Me   Wouldn't You Believe It   Wouldn't You Believe It   You and Me   You Are the Song

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