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Alanis Medley
Alanis Morissette & DJ Ruj E Kool

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
And opened your door without ringing the bell
Why do I feel so ungrateful?
Me, who is far beyond survival?
Me, who see life as an oyster?
Is not it good?
Norwegian wood
I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
And I went through your drawers
And I found your cologne
Enough, why do I feel
cellularly alone?
Am I supposed to live in this crazy city?
...’d’ya think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines?
Or when you think you’re gonna die?
Or did you long for the next distraction?
‘Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I’m not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes
And you know it
Did my calling to … all that I am able
Did my job to be selfless extraordinaire…
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said, “Hello, love”
“I love you so, love”
Thank U, terror
Thank U, disillusionment
Thank U, frailty
Thank U, consequence
Thank U, thank U, silence
Why do you say you are spiritual
Yet you treat people like shit?
Me… you and I, and oh…
How ‘bout them transparent dangling carrots?
I like you to be schooled and in arm
As though you were kissed by God full on the lips
...that elusive kudo...
Wear it out
The way a 3-year-old would do
Melt it down
You’re gonna have to eventually anyway
The firetrucks are coming up around the bend
I guess you hear me and won’t attack me
Is that right?
Guess I reach out, and you reach back
Is that right?
We share a culture, same vernacular love of
Physical humor and time spent alone
I have this overwhelming loss of ambition
We said, “Let’s name 30 good reasons why we shouldn’t be together”
Why do I still look outside me
When clearly I’ve seen it won’t work?
I started by saying things like:
“You smoke, you live in New Jersey”
You started saying things like:
“You belong to the world”
Did my job to be selfless extraordinaire
...easily defeated…
And here I go jumping before the gunshot has gone out
Slap me with a splintered ruler
Will you be my girlfriend?
Supposed former infatuation junkie
I want you to know that if you’re ever single in the future
And you want to come visit me in California
I would be open to spending time with you
And finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song
Who, who am I to feel dead, and
Who am I to feel spent?
I heard you moved to my city
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back
I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?!?
Brother saw you somewhere downtown
In the front row, the front row
With popcorn
You from New York
You are so relevant
You reduce me to cosmic tears
Where, where do I go to feel good?
Why do I still look outside me?
Who, who am I to be blue?
Look at my family and fortune
Look at my friends and my house
Do we go to the dungeon
To find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon?
Because I didn’t cop to what I did…
The truth is whenever I think of the early ‘90s
Your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday
It’s been 33 years of restraining
Of trying to control this tumult
‘Cause I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
I’ve repeated this dance ad nauseum
There’s still something to learn that I’ve not
I’m told to see this as divine perfection
I get to see you, see you close up
My bones don’t feel this perfection
Thought you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time
I used to say:
“The more tragic, the better”
Why cannot I live in the moment?
I say I’m fine when it’s obvious I am not
Why’s it so hard to tell you what I want?
...get stuck, and not the other way around…
I liked you too much
I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me
Will I ever move back to Canada?
Can I be with a lover with whom I am a student?
Will you be my girlfriend?
I feel dumb
I feel raked over coals
And all that remains is the case
That it’s a bitch to grow up
The moment I let go of it
Was the moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down
(foreign-sounding stuff)
You’re consumed by the chill of solitary
I’m like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I’m frustrated by your apathy
I kept drawing you in
And pushing you away
I remember how beautiful it was to
Fall asleep on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time
...33 years of investment
It’s been one foot in and one out
It’s been four days of (all this shit?)
And I felt stuck
You’ve been nothing but open-hearted and emotionally available
And supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me
You say you are spiritual
Yet you treat people like shit
Why do I feel cellularly alone?
Fear-induced regurgitating life-denying tradition
Be overcome
And I am frightened by the corrupting eyes of this land
If only I could meet the maker
So I’ve lived in my blind spot
Thought myself usual, but I’m not
Enough about me
Let’s talk about you for a while
Enough about you
Let’s talk about life for a while
I feel drunk, but I’m sober
I’m young and I’m underpaid
The conflict, the craziness, and the sound of pretenses falling
All around
I understand that as I do you
The long-distance thing was the hardest
And we did as well as we could
We were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives
What was wrong with me?
You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself
You from New York
You are so relevant
You reduce me to cosmic tears
You’ve been my golden best friend
And now with post-demise at hand
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time
A burden, it is fine
If only I could kill the killer
Can’t go to you for consolation
‘Cause you’re off limits during this transition
Please be the jerk of my knee
I fetch you always
You finish my sentences
I think I love you
A “NO SMOKING” sign on your cigarette break
What is your name again?
No matter, I’m guessing your thoughts again correctly
...reach out for your benevolent opinion
And we bring the light back in
In my shame spiral
I’m sucked in to it again
How ‘bout how good it feels to finally forgive you?
How ‘bout no longer being masochistic?
How ‘bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out?
How ‘bout not equating death with stopping?
Are you still mad I compared you to all my 40-year-old male friends?
And you’re like a ‘90s Jesus
This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you leave the rest of your cavalry home?
And I bow, and I bow down to you
To the grace that it takes to...
Thank U, India
Thank U, providence
Thank U, disillusionment
Well, you may never be a happy husband
You may never have or hold a child
You will learn to lose everything
Be a temporary arrangement
Please be addicted to some substance
I thought we’d be family together
And I was sadly mistaken
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can’t stop bumping into things
And I can’t stop dropping everything
Thought we’d be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew God’s face was handsome
If I had a bill for all the philosophies we shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented...
And your simple concepts like hors d'oeuvres
And you eat their questions for a serve
Is he the one that I will marry?
And why’s it so hard to be attentive…
These R the thoughts that go through my head
In my backyard a Sunday…
Will you do what you do to provide?
How you learn in the soft as you fortify
One day I’ll find relief
I’ll be arrived
And I’ll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
Anesthetize me…
I will speak freely
I’ll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
They’ll throw opinions like rocks in riots
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds, forge the end of tragicomedy
One day I’ll be secure
Like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries
...tunnel vision, I wonder why I’ve not been writing…
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
(foreign stuff)

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Lyrics by Alanis Morissette & DJ Ruj E Kool

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