Absolutely Positively.....Practical Jokes
- MC Lyte
I play practical jokes just to get a laughI put roaches in my neighbor's bubblebathBut anyway, one day she called upon meShe said, "Lyte, it's an emergency"My next door neighbor had an errand to runI said, "Why Ms. Davis, ask your son"She said, "Ricky's at his grandmother's"I said, "Well, what about Tommy, the younger brother?"She said, "See, umm, he's at the pharmacy"I said, "He'll be back soon how much longer could it be?"She said, "C'mon, please, it's just a trip uptownIf you leave right now, you'll be back before sundownHurry up, there's not a moment to spareIt absolutely positively has to get there"Umm, I contemplated then I played a good SamaritanStarted the car, then she threw the package inIt absolutely, positively has to get thereIt absolutely, positively has to get thereIt absolutely, positively has to get thereIt absolutely, positively got to get therePumpin' out the music on the FDRNot far behind me was a DT carSo I eased up selector, 55 the digitBut on the FDR, 40 is the limitHere they come, sirens onI could see myself in jail 'til the break of dawnBut they rolled right by, it wasn't me they was afterA little red corvette, they was tryin' to captureDread I feel sweat so I set down my jacketLook up ahead, now that's what I call trafficDipped to an exit and I made my way throughCouldn't believe when I hit First AvenueOn a Honda's ass, just about to crashLooked at the gauge and the shit said no gasZero, nada, nothing in here, seeIn car terms the shit was on emptyGot out and pushed the shit to the sideHailed a cab then I caught a quick rideTo the house of inflation, yes, the gas stationGave a little tip to show my appreciationGot back to the ave where I left my carIt wasn't there but it couldn't have gone farDamn, I must have got towedTried to figure out how much money I owedWent to the pound and I paid my debtThink that was the worst, you ain't heard nothin' yetBumped into that crackhead Sam, I used to seeAnd like always, hand out, give me moneyIn my tank was a dollar's worth of gas I had to get to a nice machine fastIt absolutely, positively has to get thereIt absolutely, positively got to get thereIt absolutely, positively got to get thereIt absolutely, positively has to get thereAs I left the bank to walk back to the BMCouldn't believe what my eyes were seein'Looked at the back tire, it was flatWhile the other three were so damn fatA brother walked by and offered his helpOrdinarily I woulda did the shit myselfBut he changed it quick, so I passed him a tenHere I go on this journey againWent to the gas station to fill it upWhen a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pumpI said, "Look, I don't need your help today"And I scared the motherfucker and he was on his wayOops, a cat, shit, scratFur on my tires and all thatWhat's this, a stroke of bad luck?But at this point, I don't even give a fuckI got to get the package to the destinationNo matter what the confrontationI arrive, bag in my handLookin' for a woman named PamShe opened the bag, it was wrapped tight and snugBut in that bag, yo, in that bag45, guess what, it was a box of Q-tipsA box of fuckin' Q-tips, man
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