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Then You May Take Me To The Fair
Julie Andrews

Do you recall the other night that I distinctly said

You might serve as my escort at the next town fair?

Well, I'm afraid there's someone who I must invite in place of you

Someone who plainly is beyond compare


That Frenchman's power is more tremendous

Than I have ever seen anywhere

And when a man is that stupendous

He, by right, should take me to the fair


Your majesty, let me tilt with him and smite him

Don't refuse me so abruptly, I implore!

Oh, give me the opportunity to fight him

And Gaul will be divided once more!


You'll bash and thrash him?

I'll smash and mash him

You'll give him trouble?

He will be rubble


A mighty whack? His skull will crack

Well, then you may take me to the fair

If you do all the things you promise

In fact, my heart would break should you not take me to the fair


I have some rather painful news relative to the subject

Who's to be beside me at the next court ball

You were the chosen one, I know but as tradition

It should go to the unquestioned champion in the hall


And I'm convinced that splendid Frenchman

Can easily conquer one and all

And besting all our local henchmen

He should sit beside me at the ball


I beg of you, mam, with hold your invitation

I swear to you this challenge will be met

And when I have finished up the operation

I'll serve him to your highness en brochette


You'll pierce right through him?

I'll barbecue him

A wicked thrust?

'Twill be dust to dust


From fore to aft? He'll feel a draft

Well, then you may sit by me at the ball

If you demolish him in battle

In fact, I know I'd cry were you not by me at the ball


Didn't I promise that you may guide me to London

On the day that I go up to judge the cattle show?

As it is quite a nasty ride there must be someone at my side

Who'll be defending me from beast and foe


So when I choose whom I prefer go

I take the strongest knight I know

And young du Lac seems strongest, ergo

He should take me to the cattle show


Your Majesty can't believe this blustering prattle

Let him prove it with a sword or lance instead

I promise you, when I've done this Gaul in battle

His shoulders will be lonesome for his head


You'll disconnect him?

I'll vivisect him

You'll open-wide him?

I'll subdivide him


Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear

Then you may guide me to the show

If you can carry out your program

In fact, I'd grieve inside should you not guide me to the show


Milady, we shall put an end to

That Galic bag of noise and nerve

When we do all that we intend to

He'll be a plate of French Hors D'oeuvres


I do applaud your noble goals

Now let us see if you achieve them

And if you do, then you will be the three who go to the ball

To the show and take me to the fair


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Lyrics by Julie Andrews

  \   A British Bank (The Life I Lead)   A Cock-Eyed Optimist   A Cock-Eyed Optimist [From South Pacific]   A Cockeyed Optimist   A Spoonful Of Sugar   Alexander's Ragtime Band   Away in a Manger   Baby Face   Before I Gaze At You   Before I Gaze at You Again   Bewitched [From Pal Joey]   Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered   Blanket on the Ground   Burlington Bertie from Bow   By the Light of the Silvery Moon   Cheek to Cheek   Cheek to Cheek [From Top Hat]   Chim Chim Cher-Ee   Chim Chim Cher-Ee [From Mary Poppins]   Chim Chim Cher-Ee [Soundtrack] [From Mary Poppins]   Come Rain Or Come Shine   Crazy World   Deck the Halls   Do Do Do   Do Re Mi   Do-Re-Mi   Edelweiss   Edelweiss [From The Sound of Music]   Falling In Love With Love   Falling in Love with Love [from the Boy from Syrac...   Feed The Birds   Getting to Know You [From The Sound of Music]   Greensleeves   Hark! The Herald Angels Sing   Hello Young Lovers [From The King and I]   How Are Things In Glocca Morra   How Are Things In Glocca Morra?   How Can I Wait   How Deep Is the Ocean?   How Long Has This Been Goin On?   How Long Has This Been Going On?   I Could Have Danced All Night   I Could Have Danced All Night - (My Fair Lady)   I Could Have Danced All Night (Excerpt) [From Caro...   I Could Have Danced All Night [From My Fair Lady]   I Could Have Danced All Night [Live][*]   I Could've Danced All Night   I Didn't Know What Time It Was   I Feel Pretty   I Feel Pretty (From "West Side Story")   I Have Confidence   I Have Dreamed   I Have Dreamed [From The King and I]   I Loved You Once In Silence   I Loved You Once In Silence (Camelot)   I Wish I Were in Love Again   I Wish I Were in Love Again [From Babes in Arms]   I Wonder as I Wander   I'll Follow My Secret Heart   I'm Old Fashioned   If I Loved You   If I Loved You [From Carousel]   If Love Were All   In The Bleak Midwinter   Indian Love Call   Indian Love Call [From Rose-Marie]   Irish Carol   It Came Upon a Midnight Clear   It Came Upon the Midnight Clear   It Might as Well Be Spring   Jingle Bells   Jolly Holiday   Joy to the World   Joy to the World (theme by Handel)   Just You Wait   Le Jazz Hot   Le Jazz Hot [From Victor/victoria]   Limehouse Blues   Little Old Lady   London Pride   Looking for a Boy   Madame Abernall's \/ I Could Have Danced All Night   Maria   My Favorite Things   My Funny Valentine   My Funny Valentine [From Babes in Arms]   My Ship   My Ship [From Lady in the Dark]   Nobody Does It Better   O Come All Ye Faithful   O Little Town of Bethlehem   Oh Come All Ye Faithful   On a Clear Day   On a Clear Day [From On a Clear Day You Can See Fo...   On the Street Where You Live   Out of This World   Parisian Pierrot   Patapan   Poor Butterfly   Reprise: Thoroughly Modern Millie   Show Me   Silent Night   Silent Night, Holy Night   Sixteen Going On Seventeen   So In Love   So in Love [From Kiss Me Kate]   Someone to Watch Over Me   Something Good   Stay Awake   Super-Cali-Fragil-Istic-Espi-Ali-Docious   Take Care of This House   Tea For Two   Ten Minutes Ago   The Lonely Goatherd   The Lonely Goatherd [The Sound of Music]   The Lusty Month of May   The Lusty Month of May [From Camelot]   The Physician   The Rain In Spain   The Rain in Spain (Excerpt) [From Babes in Arms]   The Sound Of Music   The Sound of Music [From The Sound of Music]   Thoroughly Modern Millie   What Are You Doing The Rest Of You   What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life   What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?   What Child Is This   What Child Is This?   When You Wish Upon a Star [From Pinocchio]   Where or When   Whistling Away the Dark   Without You   Won't You Charleston With Me   Won't You Charleston With Me   Wouldn't It Be Loverly?   Wouldn't It Be Loverly   You're So London   Your Crowning Glory (feat. Anne Hathaway and Raven...

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