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La Vie Boheme
RENT

THE WAITER

No, please no

Not tonight, please no

MIster, can't you go?

Not tonight, can't have a scene

ROGER

What!?

THE WAITER

Go, please go you- hello sir!-

I said no, important customer

MARK

What am I, just a blur?

THE WAITER

You sit all night, you never buy

MARK

That's a lie, that's a lie!

I had a tea the other day

THE WAITER

You couldn't pay!

MARK

Oh yeah...

COLLINS

Benjamin Coffin the Third? Here?

THE WAITER

Oh no...

ALL

Wine and beer!

MAUREEN

The enemy of Avenue A

We'll stay

THE WAITER

Oy vey!

COLLINS

What brings a mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?

BENNY

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen's noble try

It went well-

MAUREEN

Go to hell!

BENNY

Was the yuppie scum stomped?

Not counting the homeless,

How many tickets weren't comped?

ROGER

Why did Muffy-

BENNY

Alison!

ROGER

-miss the show?

BENNY

There was a death in the family, if you must know

ANGEL

Who died?

BENNY

Our Akita-

ANGEL, ROGER

Evita!

BENNY

Mimi, I'm surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

Who don't adhere to deals

They make fun- yet I am the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia

Is a fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta;

Bohemia is dead

MARK

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae - dies illa, Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v'yitkadash

MARK

Here she lies, no one knew her worth

The late great daughter of Mother Earth

On these nights when we

Celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -

La vie Bohème

ALL

La vie Bohème

La vie Bohème

La vie Bohème

La vie Bohème

MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookey, making

Something out of nothing

The need to express-

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane, going mad

To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old Mom and Dad

To riding your bike,

Midday past the three-piece suits

To fruits - to no absolutes-

To Absolut - to choice-

To the Village Voice-

To any passing fad

To being an us for once ... instead of a them!

ALL

La vie Bohème!

La vie Bohème

MR. GREY

Ahhemm

MAUREEN

Hey Mister - she's my sister

WAITER

So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls

ROGER

Eww

COLLINS

It tastes the same

MIMI

If you close your eyes

WAITER

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?

ALL

Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers

Made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation

MARK

Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS

To Sontag

ANGEL

To Sondheim

FOUR GIRLS

To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,

COLLINS

Lenny Bruce

ROGER

Langston Hughes

MAUREEN

To the stage

BOHEMIANS

To Uta. To Buddha. Pablo Neruda, too.

MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em

ALL

La vie Bohème!

MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE

Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN

Well, hurry back!

MR. GREY

Sisters?

MAUREEN & JOANNE

We're close

ANGELS & COLLINS

Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL & MIMI

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,

Pee-wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana

ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC

To no shame - never playing the Fame Game

COLLINS

To marijuana!

ALL

To sodomy, it's between God and me

To S&M!

BENNY

Waiter ... Waiter ... Waiter ....... Waiter!

ALL

La vie Bohème!

COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon

will commence immediately following dinner

Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble rap,

Will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance

To the sounds of iced tea being stirred

ROGER

And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary

about his inability to hold an erection

on the high holy days.

MARK

And Maureen Johnson,

back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,

while accompanying herself on the electric

cello - which she has never studied.

BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.

MIMI

There's nothing to know

BENNY

Don't you think that we should discuss...

MIMI

It was three months ago.

BENNY

He doesn't act like he's with you.

MIMI

We're taking it slow.

BENNY

Where is he now?

MIMI

He's right... Hmm, where'd he go?

MARK

And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.

(Roger plays a solo)

That doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz!

COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions

from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist -

including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.

virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:

ALL

Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS

BENNY

Check!

MIMI

Excuse me - did I do something wrong?

I get invited - then ignored all night long

ROGER

I've been trying - I'm not lying

No one's perfect. I've got baggage

MIMI

Life's too short, babe, time is flying

I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

ROGER

I should tell you

MIMI

I got baggage too

ROGER

I should tell you

ROGER & MIMI

Baggage

ALL

Wine and beer!

MIMI

AZT break

ROGER

You?

MIMI

Me. You?

ROGER

Mimi


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