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Absolutely Positively.....Practical Jokes
MC Lyte

I play practical jokes just to get a laugh

I put roaches in my neighbor's bubblebath

But anyway, one day she called upon me

She said, Lyte, it's an emergency


My next door neighbor had an errand to run

I said, Why Ms. Davis, ask your son

She said, Ricky's at his grandmother's

I said, Well, what about Tommy, the younger brother?


She said, See, umm, he's at the pharmacy

I said, He'll be back soon how much longer could it be?

She said, C'mon, please, it's just a trip uptown

If you leave right now, you'll be back before sundown


Hurry up, there's not a moment to spare

It absolutely positively has to get there

Umm, I contemplated then I played a good Samaritan

Started the car, then she threw the package in


It absolutely, positively has to get there

It absolutely, positively has to get there

It absolutely, positively has to get there

It absolutely, positively got to get there


Pumpin' out the music on the FDR

Not far behind me was a DT car

So I eased up selector, 55 the digit

But on the FDR, 40 is the limit


Here they come, sirens on

I could see myself in jail 'til the break of dawn

But they rolled right by, it wasn't me they was after

A little red corvette, they was tryin' to capture


Dread I feel sweat so I set down my jacket

Look up ahead, now that's what I call traffic

Dipped to an exit and I made my way through

Couldn't believe when I hit First Avenue


On a Honda's ass, just about to crash

Looked at the gauge and the shit said no gas

Zero, nada, nothing in here, see

In car terms the shit was on empty


Got out and pushed the shit to the side

Hailed a cab then I caught a quick ride

To the house of inflation, yes, the gas station

Gave a little tip to show my appreciation



Got back to the ave where I left my car

It wasn't there but it couldn't have gone far

Damn, I must have got towed

Tried to figure out how much money I owed


Went to the pound and I paid my debt

Think that was the worst, you ain't heard nothin' yet

Bumped into that crackhead Sam, I used to see

And like always, hand out, give me money

In my tank was a dollar's worth of gas I had to get to a nice machine fast


It absolutely, positively has to get there

It absolutely, positively got to get there

It absolutely, positively got to get there

It absolutely, positively has to get there


As I left the bank to walk back to the BM

Couldn't believe what my eyes were seein'

Looked at the back tire, it was flat

While the other three were so damn fat


A brother walked by and offered his help

Ordinarily I woulda did the shit myself

But he changed it quick, so I passed him a ten

Here I go on this journey again


Went to the gas station to fill it up

When a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump

I said, Look, I don't need your help today

And I scared the motherfucker and he was on his way


Oops, a cat, shit, scrat

Fur on my tires and all that

What's this, a stroke of bad luck?

But at this point, I don't even give a fuck


I got to get the package to the destination

No matter what the confrontation

I arrive, bag in my hand

Lookin' for a woman named Pam


She opened the bag, it was wrapped tight and snug

But in that bag, yo, in that bag

45, guess what, it was a box of Q-tips

A box of fuckin' Q-tips, man


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Lyrics by MC Lyte

  10% Dis   2 Young 4 What   40 Days featuring StayC Reign   A Film Called (Pimp)   Absolutely Positively..... Practical Jokes   Act Like You Know   Ain't No Other   All That   Another Dope Intro   Ball featuring Lil’ Mama & AV   Beyond the Hype   Big Bad Sister   Bklyn (Live That)   Bomb Wild Out featuring AV   Break It Down   Brooklyn   Can You Dig It   Cappuccino   Cappucino   Cha Cha Cha   Check   Closer   Cold Rock a Party   Cold Rock A Party (mc Lyte Main Version)   Cold Rock A Party (milk Remix)   Cold Rock a Party (Remix)   Cold Rock a Party [Bad Boy Remix]   Cold Rock a Party [Radio Edit Clean][Mix]   Cold Rock a Party [Radio Edit][Mix][Version]   Cold Rock a Party 9Bad Boy Remix]   Come On   Come On [Instrumental][Version]   Come On [Remix Instrumental TV Track][Instrumental...   Cravin’ featuring Stan Carrizosa   Curious   Dear John   Dear John featuring Common & 10Beats   Don't Cry Big Girls   Druglord Superstar   Everyday   Eyes Are the Soul   Fighting Temptation   Fire   For All the Years   Give Me What I Want   God Said Lyte   God Said Lyte (A Cappella Version)   Hard Copy   Have U Ever   I Am the Lyte   I Am Woman   I Can't Make a Mistake   I Cram to Understand U   I Cram to Understand U [1990][*]   I Like   I Wanna Be Down [Remix]   I Wanna Be Down [The Human Rhythm Hip Hop Remix]   I Want Your (Hands on Me)   In My Business   It's All Yours   Jam for the Ladies [*][Multimedia Track]   Just Call Me Joe   K - Rock's The Man   K-Rock's The Man   Kamikaze   Keep It Movin'   Keep On Keepin On   Keep On, Keepin' On   Kickin' 4 Brooklyn   Last Time featuring Faith Evans & Coko   Like a Virgin   Like That Anna   Lola from The Copa   Love On Me featuring Kenny Lattimore   Lyte as a Rock   Lyte Tha Emcee Pt. 2   Mash Out   Maybe I Deserve   MC Lyte Likes Swingin'   Mickey Slipper   Mickey Slipper (Interlude)   Not Wit' a Dealer   One for the Cuties   One on One   Paper Thin   Party Goin' On   Phone Check 1 Interlude   Phone Check 2 Interlude   Phone Check 3 Interlude   Phone Check 4 Interlude Outro   Please Understand   Poor Georgie   Psalms 23   Psalms 23 [Album Version] [Version]   Ride Wit Me   Ride Wit Me (Clean Edit)   Ruffneck   Search 4 the Lyte   Shut The Eff Up!   Shut the Eff Up! (Hoe)   Slave 2 The Rhythm   Steady Fucking   Stop, Look, Listen   Survival of the Fittest   Survival of the Fittest (Remix)   Take It Off   The Rap Game   Throwin' Words At U   Top Billin'   TRG (The Rap Game)   U Can't Stop It   U Got It   Want What I Got   We Here Now featruing Mario   What Ya'll Want   What's My Name Yo   When in Love   Woo Woo (Freak Out)

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