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12 Pains Of Christmas
Bob Rivers

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Five months of bills!

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

I hate those Christmas cards!

Hangovers

Rigging up these lights!

And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

The Salvation Army

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Sending Christmas cards

Oh, geez!

I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!

And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:

I wanna transformer for christmas!

Charities,

And what'cha mean YOUR in-laws! ?

Five months of bills!

Oh, making out these cards

Honey, get me a beer, huh?

What, we have no extension cords! ?

And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Finding parking spaces

Daddy, I want some candy!

Donations,

Facing my in-laws,

Five months of bills

Writing out those Christmas cards

Hangovers

Now why the hell are they blinking! ?

And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Batteries not included

No parking spaces

Buy me somethin'!

Get a job you bum!

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills

Yo Ho, sending Christmas cards

Oh geez look at this!

One light goes out, they all go out!

And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Stale tv specials

Batteries not included

No parking spaces

Mom I gotta go to the bathroom!

Charities

She's a witch, I hate her!

Five months of bills

Oh, I don't even know half these people!

Who's got the toilet paper?

Get a flashlight I blew a fuse!

And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Singing Christmas carols

Stale tv specials,

Batteries not included

No parking

Waaaaaaaaaaah!

Charities

Gotta make 'em dinner

Five months of bills

I'm not sending them this year, that's it!

Shut up, you!

Fine! You're so smart, you rig up the lights!

And finding a Christmas tree


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Lyrics by Bob Rivers

  12 Days Of Layoffs   401k   50 Ways To Eat Your Lover   7-11   7-11 (Seven Eleven)   96 Beers   A Message From The King   A Visit From St. Nicholson   A Visit From StNicholson   Acid Rain   ADD   Addicted To (Cigarette) Butts   All You Need Is Elves   American Pie Eulogy   Another Kick In The Balls   Are They Gonna Fry OJ?   Back In A US Made Car   Beat Up Old Jetliner   Beers In Heaven   Bin Laden And The Jets   Bowel Moves   Burgers On The Grill   Cats In The Kettle   Chat Room   Cheney's Got A Gun   Cheney's Got A Gun   Clean the Cat Box   Cows With Guns   Dark Side Of Naboo   Denny Way   Dirty Deeds (Done With Sheep)   Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep   Dr. Jack   Foreigners   Free As A Turd   Frosty The Pervert   Gates Is Such A Rich Man   George Bush Told Lies   Get Off My House   Getting Fatter All The Time   Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas   Hello, I Love You (Let's Get Tested For AIDS)   Hello, I Love You (Lets get tested for AIDS)   Honda Accord   How It Feels (To Be Old)   I Am Santa Claus   I Can't Ski Babe   I Love Your Breasts The Way They Are   I Shot The White House   I Used To Rock And Roll All Night   I'm A Weight Watcher   I'm Dressin' Up Like Santa (When I Get Out On Paro...   I'm A Weight Watcher   It's In His Piss (The Snoop Snoop Song)   It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year   Jingle Bells   Jingle Hells Bells   Kill The Wabbit   Long Distance Company   Marv Bites   Media Killed The Royalty Star   Middle Aged Wasteline   Minimum Wage   Mr. Magoo   O Come All Ye Grateful Dead Heads   O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads   O Little Town of Bethlehem   Officer Fuhrman   Oj's Trial Thing   On A Horse With Hussein   OxyContin Eater   PMS   Pokemon   Police Stop My Car   Read It In The Tabloids   Rusty Chevrolet   Shoppin' Around For A Christmas Tree   Shouldn't touch this   Shouldn't Touch This (Pee Wee's Song)   Space Station Oddity   Spacestation Oddity   Spinning Reel   The Chimney Song   The Handicap Can   The No Smoking Song   The Restroom Door Said,   The Restroom Door Said, 'Gentlemen'   The Twelve Pains of Christmas   The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*]   The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*]   The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*]   Toy Sack   Vatican Man   Walking Around In Women's Underwear   We Wish You Weren't Living With Us   We Wish You Weren't Living With Us   What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells   What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells?   What If God Smoked Cannabis?   When A Man Loves A Chicken   Who Put The Stump?   Wreck the Malls   Wreck the Malls   Wrong Foot Amputated   Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!   You Will, By Bright Eyes

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